Dante Takes a Wrong Turn
by LightOfTheSecondStar
Summary: In his way to the final battle, Dante takes an unexpected turn and ends up in the last place he thought he'd be. Beware of time paradoxes, overall madness, and horrible puns. Rated T for language in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1: The Twist

Well, yeah. This is an idea I had running on in my mind for the longest time. In fact, I'd put off the creation of this story for about a year and only recently hopped to work on it. I saw much potential! XD Read and Review, please and thank you!

... Oh, what? A disclaimer? No need for one. This is called a FAN fiction for a reason, ya know!

-Ultima

* * *

**Dante Takes a Wrong Turn**

**Chapter One **

Dante stepped out of the portal leading from the Nirvana of Illusions, but not without an awkward landing. After landing on his face and mumbling something about 'Who put the ground here?' he got up and dusted himself off.

He looked at his surroundings. Before him were several buildings behind hundreds of yards of gates. He read the sign on one of the gates. It read: "Knight University" and in fine print, "School for the Spiritually Gifted".

Dante thought about that for a quick second. _This place definitely isn't the Underworld... where exactly am I, anyway? _

Almost on cue, a newspaper flew by and hit him in the face. He successfully pulled it off, and read the date. His eyes _could've_ widened to a size that's considered 'comically large', but we don't need that kind of humor yet. So, his eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. "Holy fuck!! I went back in time!?"

And just to piss him off, his mind triggered a flashback to tell him exactly what happened.

* * *

_Dante jumped into the Nirvana of Illusions through the Room of the Fallen, with Samsara in hand. He walked over to the statue and read the inscription. 'Bend space and time, huh?' He tried to put the stone in, only to find that it wouldn't fit properly. _

_'Oh, come on! Work already!!' _

_After much struggle, Dante managed to wedge the Samsara in for an awkward fit. A portal appeared behind him, but unlike the other ones which showed a hazy image of the next destination, this one was just blue-white swirls._

_'Well, whatever. Here goes!' _

_And with that, Dante jumped into the portal._

* * *

The flashback ended, and Dante just stood there, arms folded, foot tapping on the ground and a vein on his forehead. 

"Yeah, you figure out what happened, _NOW?_" he asked a rhetorical question to his mind. He just shook his head and sighed. "Whatever..." he took a look again at the sign posted on the gate. "...Isn't this the place Mom went to when she was younger?" He shrugged. "Oh well, I guess I can hang around until I find a way back."

* * *

Dante strolled right into the office, not like he owned the place-- because if he'd ever had a choice of owning anything, he'd preferred it'd be a bar or a strip club. On reaching the front desk, he asked in a rather nonchalant manner, "Hey, got any idea where I can find Eva?"

The receptionist-- a woman who seemed to be dressed in her Sunday best, with rounded spectacles balanced on her nose-- gave him a wary look before asking, "What's your business with her, kid?"

Dante blanked, and then realized he had to make up an excuse. "Oh…uh…I'm a relative of hers that she doesn't get to see very often. Uh…I'm..." _Think of a fake name, think of a fake name!_ He thought. "...Dante."_What the HELL!!!_ Dante mentally kicked himself.

"Mm-hmm..." the receptionist nodded her head and scrolled down the list of students, when her eyes shot wide open."WHAT?" the receptionist looked at him like he was crazy, and in turn _she_ had a crazed look in her eyes. "You want to see HER?"

Dante jumped slightly, looked around, then back at the receptionist, confused. "Uh…yeah?" Dante replied kinda matter-of-factly.

"Trust me, kid," the receptionist shook her head. "You don't want to see her."

"And why the hell not?" Dante was starting to get annoyed.

"It's pretty much suicide -- anyone who tries to get with her has to answer to Lucian!" the receptionist cried in response. "Eva is his girlfriend, and he'll beat the hell out of anyone who tells him different!" then she stood from her seat, leaned closer to him and added in a hushed whisper, "At least, that's what he says. I heard they're not even going out anymore..." she sat back down.

Dante looked a mixture of 'slightly offended' and 'confused'. _Lucian? Who the hell is HE?_ Dante thought for a split second. "Oh no, see, I'm her distant cousin-- " Dante began.

The receptionist's expression turned back to normal and she nodded at him in understanding. "Ahhh.. A relative, huh? Eva talks about her family often, but she never mentions you."

Dante gave her a blank expression. "Huh? Well, yeah…I dyed my hair! But, if you look at the straightness and fineness of my hair, you can probably tell that I'm Eva's son-- uh -- cousin!"

The receptionist leaned over her desk again and adjusted her glasses, as if to see him better than she already did. "That explains everything...!" she mumbled. Then she looked back at the monitor. "OK…Well, Eva is in Dormitory Hall, Floor 3, Room 308."

Dante tilted his head. "What, you're not going to direct me to the Guest Room or anything?"

The receptionist looked up, "No. You wanna see her? Go see her, before I change my mind." She went back to her business.

Dante shrugged that off, focused on remembering the location, and made his way to the door out of the main office.

"WAIT A MINUTE!" yelled the receptionist.

Dante tripped and fell flat on his face. Picking himself up, he asked "Ugh…yeah?"

"Men aren't allowed on the third floor. Women only!" said the receptionist.

Dante winced. _Crap!_ "Whatever, I'll find a way around that..." Dante started out the door.

"Good luck with that, and don't let Lucian find you!" the receptionist waved from behind her desk. She looked at Dante up and down and thought, _He's kinda cute..._

As he was walking out, Dante blushed a little. He didn't see the receptionist staring at him, but something was telling him her eyes were directly on him. _If I didn't know any better I'd say she likes me... _

* * *

At the gates of Knight University, another portal opened, and out stepped the blue-clad devil that we should all know-- Vergil. His eyes scanned the unfamiliar surroundings.

"Hmmm, this place... it's definitely not the Underworld," he mused, then turned to look back at the vanishing portal. His eyes skimmed the ground around it, then he noticed a familiar-shaped indentation on the ground. Yup, Dante was here.

He shook his head and sighed, then turned on his heels and went into the campus grounds, determined to find Dante, some answers, and a way back.

* * *

A/N: Yay, Vergil's here too! happy dance No clue why this chapter is so short, but trust me, it'll pick up later. Review, because I've no clue of knowing how well I do with multiple chapter stories if you don't. 


	2. Chapter 2: It's The Thought that Counts

Yay, chapter 2 is up, because I had nothing better to do than to put it here. Thanks to the reviewers so far! Well, yeah. Here's to the story! Note that Dante's getting the more comedic parts, while Vergil's is a little serious.

-Ultima

Kikoken: Yes. The chaos WILL ensue! Mwahahahaha- ::gets bricked::

VesperJones: Oh, you'll know who it is. Soon.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Dante stood outside Dormitory Hall, trying to figure out a plan to get to his mother. He looked at the building up and down, figuring that he couldn't scale it using his Trickster style, for the simple reason being that if he was caught, he'd have a lot of explaining to do.

But then, he couldn't go up there normally, unless he had a valid reason, or else he'd have some explaining to do anyway. Which brought about the subject: What would he do if he _did_ find his mother? His intention was just to hang around until he found a way back to the Underworld and the present time, but how long would that take?

And who was that 'Lucian' guy the receptionist was talking about? _Must be mom's ex-boyfriend,_ Dante thought to himself. _A jealous bastard, is what he sounds like. Still insisting mom's his chick when they're not even going out..._ he cracked his knuckles. He was gonna show that guy a thing or two about how to treat women, _especially_ if it was his mom, but then--_Wait, mom ditches him and meets dad anyway. So there's really no problem there, I just have to make sure I don't mess anything up._

He looked up at the windows to Dormitory Hall, floor number 3. Oh, he was gonna go up there, and if he met that ex-boyfriend of Eva's before leaving, it wouldn't hurt to sock him one anyway.

* * *

Vergil stepped through the campus, looking around for any sign of Dante. He couldn't miss him, all he had to do was keep on the lookout for his goofy-looking mirror-image clad in tacky red leather. He turned his head to the left, and to the right, spotting a bench a few yards away he could sit and rest on.

He sat himself on the bench, poring over the strange events and trying to make sense of things. He got a few points, bits and pieces of information.

_1. This wasn't the Underworld._ Why would the stage for his final battle with Arkham look like a University?

_2. He was here._ As people would say, 'No shit, Sherlock'.

_3. Dante was here too._ And if he was following Dante, who came here, to a place which wasn't the Underworld--

Vergil's eyes widened to a size considered 'comically large', then he buried his head in his hands. _Dante, you fool, you took a wrong turn! We're not where we are supposed to be, and now Arkham's running amok in the Demon World! Who knows what he could possibly be doing!?_ he shouted aloud in his mind. What came out of his mouth was a low displeased groan, followed by a string of curse words in demonic.

He rubbed at his eyes, and looked up to find a girl clutching a bunch of textbooks, staring at him in awe. He stared back at this complete stranger, and in a move that was 'so like Dante', he deadpanned, "What are you looking at?"

The girl jumped slightly, and, as if realizing where she was, skittered away as quickly as her legs could carry her, sneaking a few glances back at the blue-clad devil every chance she could.

Vergil just followed her with his eyes until she was out of sight, then he just chuckled. Asked her what she was looking at, when the answer seemed fairly obvious. The slim O-katana held at his side, the Victorian era outfit, the snow-white hair... there wasn't much the girl _wasn't_ going to look at.

_And it's not every day you see anyone _this_ good-looking on campus,_ he thought, then mentally slapped himself. _That's something Dante would think!_ he chided.

Vergil shook his head, then got up and looked around again. It was time to resume his search. Where to start...?

* * *

A figure sat under a tree, watching Vergil. He wasn't exactly hidden, but then he wasn't in plain sight either. The figure sat there, sizing Vergil up, at first glance realizing that the man wasn't human. There was something... odd... about the devil, and he would figure out what that was. Until then, though... he scoffed, and, loudly enough for Vergil to hear, he declared,

"I don't know where you came from, but you don't belong here."

* * *

_What?_ Vergil spun around to the source of the voice, only to find nothing. Whoever it was disappeared. He was about to place a hand on the hilt of his Yamato, at the ready, but he kicked back the urge. _No need to make myself more noticeable than I am already..._

He took one last look around-- mentally promising himself that he would take better looks at his surroundings to cut short the many times he had to do them, and walked away. He had to find Dante and the way out of this place, and now he had a time limit. , and possibly someone after him.

* * *

Dante rubbed his chin, still mulling over how to get in the building without being noticed excessively, when he spotted from the corner of his eye, a man trying to get a large cart of textbooks up the stairs of Dormitory Hall.

"Hey, need any help with that?" Dante asked. The cart didn't even look like much, but the man was struggling to get the thing up there like his life depended on it.

"I need to get this cart up to the third floor! Some girls are tryin' to do some project for their class, and they're complaining because they don't wanna have to go to the Library on the other side to get their books!"

The man continued to struggle to get it up the stairs, but finally gave up. "I've had it! My orders are to deliver this to Dormitory Hall, and I've done that! I've been paid already! I'm outta here!"

Dante watched the man leave until he was out of sight. Dante looked at the books, and then up at the building, then back at the books. He broke into a lop-sided grin and clasped his hands together, "Dante, you're a genius!"

* * *

"Eva, you're a genius!" Eva said as she looked at the incantation she'd written down. Days and weeks of non-stop studying over spells priestesses used back on the days of old, and she'd finally developed one of her own!

"It's perfect! We're sure to become famous with this!" She held the parchment out to her colleague, who laid on her bed examining the spell half-heartedly.

"That looks pretty good," said Kalina Ann. "But we might need to make sure there's nothing wrong with it. With these kinds of things, there's no room for mistakes. Do you think that those other spell books will arrive in time?"

"Hmm," said Eva. "I hope so. Otherwise, we might end up destroying everything rather than fixing it," she joked. The girls laughed.

The spell they'd invented was for domestic purposes-- Tired of having to clean up after worthless indolent good-for-nothings they had to call members of their family, and putting up with things being hurled across living rooms after their 'family get togethers' didn't quite turn out as intended, they'd FINALLY come up with an 'auto-reparation' spell that ensured the home would stay as neat and tidy as the moment the spell is cast.

It was for the sake of housewives everywhere who didn't want to do the same old thing every day. And...

Eva looked around at the mess she and her roommate didn't feel like cleaning. It's also for the sake of just plain lazy people. She smiled.

"To think, those worthless boyfriends of ours would never even offer to help!" exclaimed Kalina, putting a fist to her open palm.

That snapped Eva out of her thoughts. "Oh? Yes, right."

Kalina looked at Eva. "Sorry," she apologized. "I forgot, you broke up with your boyfriend, so of course _he's_ not going to help. How did that happen anyway?" she asked.

Eva shrugged. "He was just too overprotective. Hmph. Like I need it anyway, as if I can't do things for myself!"

"Ooh, I get it. My boyfriend's kinda the same way."

"What? He is?"

"Yeah, but he's kinda not." Kalina turned over so she was laying on her stomach. "He's weird... He gives me an evil eye and keeps saying, 'One day, I will kill you'."

Eva gave Kalina a look like she'd just sprouted two heads. "What the hell?"

"Yeah, I know. I think it's just a phase he's going through."

Eva looked at her like, "Oooookay..."

"But still I know the perfect way to cheer you up!" Kalina declared.

"How?" Eva was curious to find out her friend's plan.

"We just find a new guy for you to go out with! That'll make Lucian jealous!"

"Um, Kalina? He already _is_ jealous. This'll only make him worse, and who knows what'll happen then? And besides, it's not like some strapping young gentleman is gonna show up at the door asking me if I want something." Eva rolled her eyes. Sometimes, Kalina would come up with the weirdest things.

"Uh, excuse me!" The girls turned around and saw a strapping young gentleman— with white hair, oddly enough — effortlessly lugging a huge cart of books with one hand. "Where do you want this?"

"Umm.. uh--," Kalina Ann stammered, then she turned to Eva and gave her a look that said, _What did I tell you?_.

* * *

A/N: Yeap, Kalina Ann's so crazy sometimes isn't she? Haha! But what will happen to our goofy-looking ivory-haired hero dressed in tacky red leather (XD) now that he's found his mother and her friend? (laughs evilly) 


	3. Chapter 3: Identity

Oh yeah, another chapter. This time, it's all Vergil! Worry not, though, the next chapter is Dante's. But yeah, read and please, _**please **_review!! Or else... the Purple Dinosaur from Hell will FEAST on your SOUL!!

Oh, and Vesper, if ya happen to be reading this (LOL at Namedrop) then... Aw, just read the chapter.

-Ultima

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Vergil walked down the halls of the empty library, taking quick glances down the aisles and the bookshelves. The place was deserted, as if no one had been there for months, or any time at all, in fact.

"Nice to know where all the funds are going," Vergil muttered.

He made his way to the back end of the library where they housed all of the ancient texts, and ran his fingers across the top shelf. Spying one book in particular, he pulled it off the shelf. This book greatly resembled the one Arkham carried on his person while working under Vergil...

He brushed the dust off and opened it. Skimming through a few pages, he realized that the book was written in an entirely dead language. He placed the ancient tome back in its place, sighing. Maybe he should have spent that entire decade after his mother's death _studying_ demon texts. It just might have crossed a few things from his current list of problems.

_Hm?_ Another book caught his eye. He was just about to reach for it, when--

"So, you're looking for the book of ancient legends. The tale of the demon warrior, Sparda?"

_Who was that voice?_ Vergil turned around again, finding no one. He placed a hand on Yamato's hilt, and stood at the ready."Who are you? Show yourself!" He kept his eyes sharp and his wits about him. This voice, whatever it was, _who_ever it was... it was the same one as before, and Vergil couldn't tell where it was coming from.

Without warning, a sword seemingly appeared from thin air with the obvious intent of doing Vergil grievous bodily harm. He dodged it, and in the split second it took to sail harmlessly past, he noticed it was--_Rebellion?_ Vergil's eyes widened slightly.

He watched it lodge itself into a wall, and examined it quickly. It was definitely Rebellion. Was this some Doppelganger of sorts?

"Who are you?" Vergil repeated to the empty space around him. "I demand that you show yourself!" He wasn't in the mood for games.

The disembodied voice gave an "Ah", of amusement. "To be able to dodge a weapon at a second's notice... I'm impressed. Not at all like other demons..."

Vergil felt something brush by, it was too fast, he had no time to react, then--

A hand clasped over his, and he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end as the chilling voice whispered in his ear, "You might need to work on your _guard_, though."

This voice... Vergil shook slightly. Seemed familiar, and yet-- he was suddenly taken hold of by the shoulders and wrenched around, finding himself face-to-face with his assailant. He gave an audible gasp, as much as he tried to fight it back, for at that moment, his eyes met with those of--

_Father!?_

Vergil stared on, speechless, into the eyes that belonged to his father. Or rather, a younger looking form of him. The same features... he finally realized how much he resembled his father, although... his eyes went up to his young father's hair, which was platinum blond rather than white. He could let that slide, for a moment.

He looked down at the rest of his attire. Vergil made a mental note-- Sparda could have walked past him countless times and if he hadn't already known what he looked like, Vergil would have mistook him for another one of the students, the way he was dressed, although there were things that set him apart from the rest...

...like how he was staring fixedly at Vergil. Like he was a threat.

Vergil looked back up to his father's eyes, no longer shocked or scared. He was relieved, and mentally excused the attack made on him moments before. Of course the Legendary Dark Knight would attack Vergil, if he didn't know it was his own son.

Vergil had to make sure he didn't find that last little detail out somehow, even if it did mean his father saw him as 'another demon'. But then the expression on Sparda's eyes softened slightly, and he tilted his head to the side.

_He doesn't look like he has any intention of doing harm..._ Sparda thought to himself. "Hmmm..." he rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "You're not exactly demon, are you?"

Vergil couldn't help but smirk. "And you're not human. This disguise is actually pretty convincing." Vergil tilted his head down slightly, recognizing that the form that Sparda held wasn't always that way.

Sparda took a step back, and smirked too, a little curious. "You mean, you saw right through this?" he made a motion towards himself.

Vergil nodded.

"So, then... you know who I am."

Vergil nodded again, then added, "Yes, but not through those legends passed down for so many generations. Those were bound to lose some fragment of truth along the way."

Sparda nodded in understanding. Then he suddenly snapped his fingers, realizing-- "I know then, who you must be."

That startled Vergil. _He already knows!?_

Sparda continued, "You must be a descendant of another demon that escaped 2000 years ago. As I recall, I wasn't the only one who rebelled against Mundus..."

Vergil gave an inward sigh of relief. So he didn't know the entire truth. "Yes. Yes, you're right." He had to play along for the time being.

Sparda smiled, then held out his hand. "Your name?"

The startled look came back on Vergil's face as he stared at his father's hand, held out towards him. _A... handshake?_ he looked back up. "My name is... Vergil." he took his father's hand in his, certain he wouldn't be jeopardizing his future giving out his name, as long as Sparda didn't ask him his surname. Then again, he could make up an alias.

They shook hands. Then after that introduction, Sparda turned around and walked away. He had to go back and check up on things, make sure the person he was there for wasn't hurt...

Vergil stared at his own hand. To think, his father shook hands with him, considering him an ally, possibly an equal in the present state of things... he looked up to find his father walking away. "Wait--" he began.

Sparda stopped, and turned back around. "Hm?"

Vergil's words failed him. He was about to say something, but... "Lord Sparda, sir--" he stammered. Sparda raised a hand, quieting him. "Please, no formalities. I cut off my ties to the Underworld long ago." he smiled again.

Vergil gulped. "So, then... what do I call you?"

Sparda rubbed his chin. "Hmm.. Come to think of it, I _have_ taken a human name in order to hide my identity..."

Vergil's eyes shone a little in approval. "So then, your name is...?"

"...Lucian."


	4. Chapter 4: Getting Caught is No Joke

**Chapter 4**

Dante looked at the two girls standing there. One of them was obviously his mother, and he took note of the other girl that looked a lot like Lady. He couldn't help but look her up and down. _Damn, now I see where Lady got her looks from..._ he made a mental note in his head, then he gave a slight nod of approval.

Back to business, though. He cleared his throat, then repeated, "Where do you want this?"

Eva and Kalina suddenly took notice of him again, and Eva replied, "Umm.. down the hall..." her voice trailed off as she looked Dante up and down. Eyes slowly skimming over his attire-- she didn't mind that his boots had no laces, or that he wore his pants a little lower than usual (were those black boxers?) or that-- she took a good look at Dante's bare chest. _He's got a hot body..._ she nodded approvingly.

Dante couldn't help but blush. Was his mother _checking him out?_ "Er… 'scuse me... my face is up here." He tried to direct her vision upwards by pointing up to his face. He never thought he'd had to say that, EVER. Honestly, any other chick checking him out would be a good thing.

Eva looked up. "Oh! Yeah, uh..." she blushed too. "Down the hall, to the right."

Dante gave an inward sigh of relief. _Much better,_ he thought as he dragged the cart down. The girls followed him.

Dante walked down the end of the corridor, tugging at the collar of his coat. _Is it me, or is it unnaturally hot in here?_ He found the door Eva told him of, but when he tried to open the door, it wouldn't budge. He tried it again. _Damnit! Open already, damn door!_

Eva and Kalina stared at him for a moment. Kalina was standing behind the blonde, jittery from excitement.

"He's cute!" Kalina whispered.

"Don't you think I know that?" Eva hissed. Addressing Dante, she said aloud, "Don't you have keys to open that door?"

Dante stopped his actions for a moment. _Damnit! Yeah, I'm supposed to pretend I work around here!_ "Uhhh... I forgot my keys..." he blurted out a lame excuse.

Kalina gave him the 'yeah right' look. "What kinda delivery-guy forgets his keys?" she mumbled.

Dante right then decided 'Fuck it', and kicked the door down. The girls gave a startled jump. "That was easy." He felt he had to say it. He pushed the cart in, then gave a sudden stop. He staggered back a little. _Holy shit it's like a sauna in here!_ he thought.

"Holy shit, it's like a sauna in here!" He said.

...What? When he thought something that was important, he felt he had to say it aloud!

Eva stepped into the room, completely unfazed. "Yeah, this room has the boiler in it actually. They were really cheap when they built this place."

"So they settled for putting the storage room and the boiler room together!?" Dante snapped. He sighed, then pulled off his coat and slung it over his shoulder. "Whatever, my job's done. I'm out of here." He turned around to find Eva staring at him, her eyes almost the size of saucers. "...What?" he wondered if there was anything in particular she was staring at, then-- _It must be the amulet!_ he reached for the amulet that was supposed to be around his neck but his hand found empty space._Huh?_ he looked down. _Oh, right,_ he remembered. _I don't have it._

He shrugged off Eva's shocked look and walked right past her, going back down the hall to the stairs. Kalina took a peek inside the boiler-storage room and stepped in. "Did ya get a good look at him?" she asked.

"I sure did..." Eva replied, her voice faint. "So dreamy... Did you take a look at those biceps? They're--" she cut herself off with a fangirl squeal.

Kalina nodded. "And that sword he's carrying! He must be pretty strong to keep that around."

"I bet I know where he keeps an even BIGGER one!" said Eva, as the girls began to giggle.

Dante couldn't help but eavesdrop. He was standing at the top of the stairs pulling his coat back on, still within earshot of their little conversation due to his super demonic hearing, and quite frankly, he was frightened out of his mind.

_Okay I REALLY gotta get out of here!_ he thought. He was about to take a step when--

"Just a second!" Eva quickly made her way to him and grabbed his arm. "You can't walk away before we pay you, right?"

"Oh, well, uh…" Dante began. "You can do it later. Or not at all! I don't mind, really. I'm on a tight schedule…"

"Well, your schedule will just have to wait!" Eva stamped her foot on the ground. "You're not leaving until we repay you!" she clung to his arm and yanked him towards her room. Dante staggered a little. _Damn, she's stronger than she looks!_ He tried to pull away. "It's fine, y'know, I can do without the payment--"

Eva held fast. "No, it's my pleasure! Besides, I'd feel bad if I didn't pay you!"

"Come on, you can do it later then-- I really gotta go--"

Eva let go suddenly, making the scene like something out of Tug-O'-War. Dante'd been pulling away so hard that when she let go he fell over backwards and landed on his ass. "That hurt a little..." Dante picked himself up and dusted himself off.

Eva crossed her arms. "What's your name, anyway?"

Dante pointed to himself as if making sure she was referring to him. "Who? Me? It's…um…" _Think of a fake name, think of a fake name..._ "Dante." _Goddammit!_ Dante gave himself a vicious mental kick to the nuts and winced slightly. Second time today!

Eva smiled, finding his actions rather adorable. _Dante? What a cute name!_ "Okay, Dante. You're staying right here."

Dante looked shocked. "Stay here? But what'll I do in the meantime?"

"Me!" said Eva.

"WHAT?" Dante couldn't believe what he heard.

"I mean…you can do me some work around here!" she gave a quick response.

"No way!! First, he's got to help me with something!" Kalina suddenly figured she wouldn't let her friend pull moves on the overly-handsome man.

"Back off! I saw him first!" said Eva. The girls started to fight amongst themselves. Eva quickly gained the upper hand, tackling Kalina to the floor and slapping her former friend into submission, but the raven-haired girl didn't settle for giving up quite so easily. She grabbed hold of Eva's long blonde locks and yanked on them, then Eva did the same.

Dante stood, gawking at them. A sudden thought flashed through his mind that super-imposed the two girls in a mudfight, but after a vicious mental hot-iron-poker-to-the-nutsack, the thought was replaced with,_Holy shit, now's my chance to run!_ He made his escape down the stairs.

"Agh! Hey-- he's-- he's getting away!" Kalina cried between slaps and hair tugs, before Eva knocked her out cold by slamming her head into the floor. "Not anymore he's not!" she declared, and gave chase.

Dante reached the second floor when he spied Eva trying to follow him. _Aww come ON!_ He broke into a sprint, and Eva followed suit, determined not to let the half-devil escape.

Dante started playing some Benny Hill music in his head, and couldn't help but grin. But then the funny moment went into a not-so-funny one. Dante gasped, wondering why the hell the worst of situations had to befall him at the worst possible moment, citing something about 'Murphy'.

If you're wondering what the situation was, though, then it could be summed up in 6 words.

White guy.

Scary situation.

He_TRIPPED._

And then he tumbled down to the first floor and lay there half-conscious. Eva caught up with him soon after. "Oh my God!! Are you alright?"

"I'm good. S'cool," Dante groaned and gave her a thumbs-up, knowing full well he wasn't alright.

Eva gave him the most sinister of looks. "Great, 'cause you'll be feeling even better after I'm done with you!" she straddled his prone body.

The realization that his mom was pretty much gonna strip him and jump his bones sobered Dante up instantly. _What!?_ "What the hell are you doing!?" He cried, also knowing full well what her intentions were, though he didn't want to believe it.

"You and me are gonna make BABIES!" Eva squealed.

"Oh no the fuck we're not!"

Dante was caught in some desperate times, in more ways than one! He had to settle for some desperate measures, and so Devil Triggered, the transformation to his demon form catching Eva by surprise. He forced her off, making sure he kept his strength in check, as he was likely to hurt her that way.

No problem, though. Eva laid on the floor, staring up at him, too shocked to say a word. She made an attempt, and ended up stuttering instead.

"I-- you-- uh-- you-- you look--"

"**Look what? Frightening? Absolutely **_**repulsive?**_" Dante tried to make himself as evil-sounding as he could, to scare her from trying to make any moves on him.

Eva got up, and finished her sentence. "You look... SEXIER THAN EVER!!" she tackle hugged him. Dante's eyes went abnormally huge.

"**QUE!?**"

Unfortunately for him, Eva was a bit of a pervert when it came to the occult. Fortunately though, he wasn't going to stand for it. He pried her off and sped right out of the building. He stopped though, when he made it outside, trying to figure out which way to go. He de-triggered-- no sense in using it if he didn't know what to do.

"Wait-- Dante-- TAKE ME!!" Eva squealed and tackled him again. Luckily he wasn't so caught by surprise, and managed to catch her. He sighed, thankful that there wasn't anyone nearby to watch this scene as it played out.

But, by instinct, he turned to look if there _was_ anyone.

There were two people.

One of them... was his brother.

And the other...

...was PISSED OFF.


	5. Chapter 5: Getting a Good Scolding

**Chapter 5**

Vergil looked at the situation. Dante, with his mother... it seemed so awkward. Eva was latched onto Dante like a cat, giving Vergil the impression that they had one hell of a meeting. He turned to look at his father, 'Lucian', and his jaw dropped.

Forget daggers, Lucian was practically glaring _entire swords_ at Dante, his eyes seething with rage. He didn't look at all like the calm and reserved man Vergil had met moments before. Lucian looked... well... like he was ready to kick someone's ass.

"What the fuck!? Get your hands off my girlfriend, you rat bastard!"

Vergil jumped slightly. His father using coarse language was NOT something he was expecting. Neither was Dante's retort.

"Rat bastard!? She came onto me first!!" Dante looked particularly offended, taking a look at this stranger Vergil was with. He thought it, but didn't say it: _...Dad?_

He gave Vergil a look, mentally asking him, 'What the hell is going on?' The older twin caught the look, and responded by mouthing, 'Get out of there. NOW.'

Eva didn't look at all surprised. "Listen, Lucian--"

"Wait, _this_ is the guy I've been hearin' so much about!?" Dante eased her away from him to get a good look at this 'Lucian' guy. No doubt, this guy DID look a lot like his father... except for the hair. _Ain't Dad's hair supposed to be white?_

"Oh, so you've heard about me?" That interrupted Dante's thoughts for a moment.

"Yeah," he replied. "I've heard about you, jealous prick! You've got some nerve--"

"Look who's talking! Who do you think _you_ are, laying your hands like that on _MY_ girlfriend--"

"Last time I checked, she wasn't yours! And like I said, she came onto ME first!

_Whoever this kid is, he _really_ must not know who he's talking to, _Lucian thought. The thought crossed his mind to just impale the brat-- after beating him to a bloody and senseless pulp, of course-- but Eva was there. He didn't want to subject her to seeing some overly gratuitous display of violence. He turned his head slightly to look at her, and noticed she was looking back and forth between the two of them, as if she didn't know what was going to happen.

Certainly someone like her wouldn't have made the first move in an encounter like _that... _Lucian gave Dante the 'You've-gotta-be-kidding-me' look, and scoffed. "Yeah, right, like I'm gonna believe you!"_  
_

Dante had a vein throbbing in his temple. Not only was this guy jealous and arrogant, but he was calling him a _liar!?_ "Well you can believe THIS--" he reached for his twin handguns, not caring at all that this might just be his father he was arguing with and was on the verge of shooting-- but Vergil stopped him. Quicker than anyone had seen, he'd cleared the distance between them by teleporting, and now had a hold of Dante's arm.

"Stop it. NOW, Dante." Vergil gave him a stern glare.

Dante gave him an 'Are-You-Serious?' look. "But..."

"We DON'T have time for this," Vergil cut him off again. "We have to leave."

With that, he turned to look at Eva, and noticed she was staring at him with the same expression he'd seen on the stranger he'd met on the park bench. He just looked puzzled. _Is she checking me out or something?_ Vergil couldn't help but blush. "Er, I'm sorry, ma'am..."

"No problem, don't apologize..." Eva responded, her voice faint. _So dreamy..._ she thought, then she took a good look at them both. _They're twins!? Wow!_ Her face turned a deep red. "You're frigging HAWT!" she blurted out to Vergil.

Dante's jaw dropped and Vergil's head exploded.

...Okay, so Vergil's head didn't explode, but he almost wished it had.

_Erm, change of subject!_ Vergil thought frantically. Then he turned to Lucian and said, "Er-- sorry, Lucian. My brother happens to be a bit of a—a bit of a dumbass..."

"Hey!" Dante yanked his arm loose from Vergil. "It's not my fault that--"

"Yes it IS, Dante!" Vergil hissed.

Dante scowled. "Oh... I get it. Even now, you're still a da-" he didn't get to finish the sentence, as Vergil gave him a solid punch to the gut, knocking him out. Vergil caught his brother's unconscious body and held him for a moment. "Sometimes you talk too much for your own good," Vergil murmured. Then he looked his mother, then his father. "Sorry," he apologized a third time. How many times was he going to apologize for his brother's mistakes?

Eva waved her hands about, dismissing the apology as if nothing at all happened. "No, don't apologize! It's not your fault!" then she turned to Lucian, and gave him a menacing glare.

He gave her the 'What?' look. "What are you looking at _me_ for!? What did I do?"

"You know what you did!" she cried. "Why can't you just leave me alone!?"

"But-- Eva, I--"

"You what? Wanted to protect me? I don't need your help! How about you try saving me when I actually _need_ saving for once?"

The words made Lucian flinch, as if the words hurt. Vergil winced slightly as well, though no one caught it. _If only he_ was_ there to save her that day..._ Vergil thought.

"Then, I'm sorry." Lucian apologized, bowing his head. "Didn't mean to bother you."

Vergil watched the scene play out, silent. He had always thought that his parents had fallen madly in love at first sight, and now he scolded himself for it-- _Such a childish thought that was--_ although he never thought they had such a horrible relationship in the first place! He sat there wondering what exactly it was that brought the two together in the end, when Dante stirred slightly. Apparently Vergil hadn't hit him hard enough. He held him close and teleported away, out of sight.

* * *

Dante woke up with two things on his mind-- A) _Is there anything to eat around here?_ and B) _What the hell hit me?_

He found himself lying on the ground in a secluded part of campus, wondering how the hell he got there, when he was suddenly flooded with the slightly hazy memories of what transpired hours before. He sat upright quickly. "VERGIL!"

"I'm right here, there's no need to shout."

Dante turned to find Vergil sitting under the shade of a tree, eying him closely.

"Vergil," he huffed. "You--"

"I did what I had to, to make sure you didn't mess everything up."

"Yeah, you knocked me out cold when I was about to tear that fucker a new one!"

"I knocked you out when you were about to _reveal who we were_, you mindless moron!" Vergil shouted. "What made you think that what you were doing was going to benefit us in any way? Answer me that!"

Dante took a sudden interest in staring at the ground. Unable to look his brother in the eye, he answered lamely, "I... don't know."

"Exactly. You _don't_ know, which is why you're so dangerous."

Dante looked up at him. "The hell!? Don't talk about me like I'm some animal!"

Vergil gave him a blank look. "Quit behaving like one, and maybe then..." his voice trailed off, then he turned away. Dante continued to glare at his brother, then he turned away too. "Whatever, who needs you anyway?"

The younger twin looked at the sky, then curled up into a ball, it looked like.

Vergil spaced out, staring at nothing in particular, when Dante spoke up again. "Hey, Verge?"

"Yeah?" He hoped it wasn't some smart-ass comment.

"...Got any idea how we can go back?"

Vergil thought about it for a moment. "No, I don't."

Dante made a small noise. "I kinda... don't want to go back. I mean, I do, but I don't-- hey, don't look at me like that! I didn't mean it in _that_ way," he added after seeing the look on Vergil's face. "I know, I know what I did was stupid-- but hear me out! What if we _did_ stay, we could save Mom later on! We could--" he stopped himself, realizing that he sounded just as stupid as Vergil kept saying he was. He curled back up into a ball and shut his eyes. "Never mind..."

"No, Dante, it's alright. I understand."

Dante looked up again to find Vergil smiling. _This is kinda creepy, since when does he smile?_ Dante thought.

"I understand that you want to save Mother, and to be honest... I thought the same way." Vergil's smile faded. "But you also have to think about _our_ future as well. We could be erased out of existence, or who knows what would happen?" Vergil turned away. "And, there's also that chance..."

Dante gave him a curious look. "Huh? Chance of what?"

Vergil sighed. "That our efforts might be in vain, that something worse will happen in its place, or that we won't change anything at all."

Dante nodded in understanding. He'd read a few books and seen a few movies on attempted time travel, and usually nine times out of ten either the timeline was messed up, or... "If it was meant to happen, then it'll happen no matter what." he spoke his thoughts aloud.

Vergil nodded, a little surprised that Dante understood. Maybe his little brother wasn't so bad.

Dante yawned and stretched. "Well, it's getting late. G'night, Vergil." Without so much as a second's notice, Dante just fell asleep on the ground, snoring away like it was a normal bed. Vergil just stared blankly at his brother's sleeping form. He shook his head and muttered, "Well, it was good while it lasted."


	6. Chapter 6: The End, Or is it?

Hehehe, here's the final (_or is it?_) chapter of the story. Thanks to anyone that's reviewed this story so far! I really appreciated the comments. x3 I guess this is the part where I start pushing in all the horrible jokes I couldn't put in the other chapters, eh?

Who knows, maybe I'll make another multi-chapter story involving random hilarity and horrible puns... :P

-Ultima

(P.S. Take note, in the presence of Eva, Sparda is referred to as 'Lucian' but in the event that she's not around (or just not conscious) he'll be reffered to as just 'Sparda'. I find it a lot easier for me to do it this way. :P)

* * *

**End Chapter  
**

Dante woke up the next morning, yawned, stretched, and got up, brushing the dirt off his clothes. "Vergil?" he looked around, but his brother was nowhere to be found. "Shit, not even a note? That's nice..." Dante remarked. His brother was probably searching for something that could bring them back to the present time, so he got how important it was, but still, a note would be nice!

Sudden screams cut through the silence, coming from the direction of the auditorium and other buildings. "Holy hell, what was that?" Dante asked aloud to no one in particular. He looked around, Devil Triggered, and headed towards the buildings as fast as he could go.

When he got there, he was met with students running away frantically-- some even going so far as to step on other people while trying to escape. All of them were in too much of a panic to notice a demon standing around, Dante noted to his relief. But then he looked up and noticed the cause of all of their terror. His eyes narrowed in the 'Are-You-Serious?' look.

"I just had to ask..."

Arkham was running amok in blob form, crushing buildings with his massive tentacles.

"**ARGHGHGH BLARGH!!!**" Arkham was spouting off random gibberish.

Dante sighed, and pointed Rebellion straight at the creature. "You hate me so much you went back in time, huh?"

Arkham's giant eyeball focused on him. "**Aaaaahhh, it's YOU. Half-breed brat!**" he roared.

"About time ya start makin' sense. I thought you mighta lost your mind on the way here! Heheh," Dante snickered, then looked around to make sure no one else was watching.

The many students ran away to some form of safety, possibly out of the campus entirely-- luckily the people that had been trampled on either got back up or were helped up by others, so there was nothing much to worry about. A small handful of people were still running, though, and from the corner of his eye he saw Kalina Ann being pulled away by some guy that looked like--

Dante's eyebrows arched, and he did a double take. He looked at Arkham the giant blob, then back at Arkham's younger form, who wasn't so much ugly as weird-looking. He had _hair_. "Shit, glad to know you didn't ALWAYS look so horrible..." he laughed.

"**We'll see if you're still laughing once I **_**DESTROY YOU!!**_" Arkham slammed his fist down on Dante, but the half-devil moved out of the way before it could do any damage.

"You're gonna have to do better than that!" he taunted.

"So what, you know this thing?!"

Dante turned around to find his father giving him a focused stare.

"Well, uh, tell you the truth, big-bad-and-ugly here chased me and my brother down from you-don't-wanna-know-where."

Lucian crossed his arms. "Oh, so this is _your_ fault. I was thinking of helping you, but since you brought this here, I'm guessing you can take it out."

Dante's eye twitched, and he resisted the urge to flip the guy the One Finger Salute. "Not like I needed your help anyway... _old man,_" he muttered under his breath.

"**ENOUGH OF YOUR BLABBERING!!!"** Arkham bellowed and stretched his arm out to grab Dante, but then his arm was sliced clean off. "**What's this?**" His eye rolled around to find who it was, and spotted Vergil on the rooftop of a building, having done a Judgment Cut. "**DAMN you!!**"

"Hm." Vergil stood up coolly, and pointed his Yamato at Arkham. "I could say something really cool here, OR I could just get rid of you once and for all." He leapt off the building, landing next to Dante, thinking himself _so awesome_ for that entrance... Dante just scoffed.

"Here you go, making a big dramatic entrance and stealing MY spotlight!"

Vergil smirked. "Well, 'Showstealer' _is_ my middle name..."

Dante just looked confused at him. "What?"

Vergil reached into his coat, pulled out a birth certificate, and held it in front of Dante's face. "Showstealer is my middle name," he repeated. Dante just looked at the document, slightly jealous. "No fair... I wish I had a cool middle name..."

"You can get it changed, you know."

Dante's eyes lit up. "Really?"

"_A-hem!_" They turned to look at Lucian, who pointed a thumb at Arkham. "Aren't you two supposed to be beating him into the ground by now?"

Dante shrugged. "Yeah, you're right."

Arkham started laughing, much to everyone's surprise.

"**Let us see how well you do when I have THIS--**" he stretched out his arm, but into one of the buildings rather than at them. A high pitched shriek was heard.

"AAAAHHHHH!! Someone, help! what's going on!?"

Arkham plucked Eva right out of a building and now was clutching her in front of the three.

Dante and Vergil gasped.

"Eva!" Lucian cried.

"**I will crush the life out of this woman you value so much, and you will all be helpless to STOP ME!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!**"

Eva squirmed and wriggled. "Not if I can help it!" she pounded away at Arkham with her fists to no avail, then she opened her mouth wide and sank her teeth right into his fist.

"**WAAAAAHHHH ARGH!!!**" Arkham flailed his hand from side to side, still holding on. He'd loosened his grip on the young woman, but he still held on to her, which was his biggest mistake.

Eva reached into her pocket, pulled out a bottle of pepper spray and sprayed it into Arkham's giant eye-- it might as well have been a target sign. "Eat Mace, asshole!!" she cried.

Dante, Vergil, and Lucian all stared. She got a lot of guts for a human.

"**Impudent woman, DIE!!**" Arkham tossed her into the air.

"Holy shit!" Dante shouted. He was about to make a move to catch Eva, but Arkham slapped him with a tentacle, sending him crashing into an already made pile of rubble and knocking him unconscious.

Another tentacle shot out towards Vergil, and the older twin had to fend it off with Yamato. He darted his eyes to the side, to Dante's unconscious form, then to his mother, who would soon be a _lifeless_ form if he didn't act quickly enough.

_Damn! At this rate, she's--_ His eyes widened as Eva was suddenly snatched out of the air. _Huh?_ He caught sight of the form settled away from the battle, and he understood what happened.

Lucian had caught Eva, and now he was in his Devil Form, cradling her, away from the danger of the battle.

"Eva? Are you alright?" Lucian gently tried to wake her. "Eva? Say something..."

Eva's eyes were opened slightly. Dazed, she couldn't exactly tell what she was seeing. Some weird demon holding her? How did he know her name? "Uhhh...?" she mumbled something incoherently. "All I wanted was some rice cakes..." after that bout of random nonsense, she fell unconscious. Lucian blinked a few times, then mentally proclaimed her "out of her mind" and eased her to the ground.

Dante struggled to get to his feet and rubbed his head. Damn, getting whopped out of his demon form hurt. "Verge, what happened?" he asked, then-- "Mom? Where is she? What happened?"

"She's alright. She's safe." Vergil assured him. Dante made his way to his older brother, and they both looked at their father's devil form. Pretty impressive.

This had also caught the attention of their foe, who just looked on and dismissed the demon as just another pushover. "No matter what form you hold, you cannot--"

"Shut the FUCK UP!!" Sparda shouted. He turned around to face Arkham, lightning crackling around him. "NO ONE lays a hand on my woman and lives to tell about it!!"

Dante turned to Vergil. "Now she's his _woman?_"

Vergil turned to him. "Not the time now, Dante."

Dante shrugged, and they both decided to sit back and watch the battle that was about to ensue.

Sparda charged at Arkham, and Arkham tried to counter with his many tentacles and arms, but to no avail! Sparda dodged them all with super speed, and then-- next thing the twins knew, Arkham was crying out in pain. Apparently he'd been defeated.

Dante just stared. "Gee, that was pretty anti-climactic."

Vergil joined him in staring. "It's almost as if it were from some story written by someone who wasn't all that good with fight scenes..."

Dante tilted his head. "Or maybe it's a parody of Street Fighter, or something. Y'know, when Akuma charges at you, then the screen flashes white and next thing you know you're on the ground?"

They looked at each other. "Naaaahhhhh," they said in unison. Then they saw Sparda walking towards them in his human form, twirling his twin pistols, Luce and Ombra. He stopped in front of them, and whirled around, pointing his guns at Arkham. "Time to send you back to Hell!"

Dante stepped forward and pulled out his guns. "Don't count me out on this one!"

Arkham struggled to prop himself up by the short tentacles he called his feet. "**It can't be-- you cannot--**"

"Yes it can--" Sparda began.

"And yes we can." Dante finished.

Arkham growled. "**DIE!!!!** He slapped Ebony right out of Dante's hand, but Vergil caught it. Both Dante and Sparda turned to look. Vergil grinned wryly. "I guess I'll try it your way, for once."

Sparda turned to look at Arkham. "What do we say?" he cocked his head to the side and grinned. The twins caught the little joke and each pointed their guns at the creature.

"**Don't do it!!**" Arkham pleaded.

"JACKPOT!!" The three fired at once, in what could be described as 'The Best Moment Ever', as a super-powered shot headed straight for Arkham and blew him away.

For some reason Arkham still felt a need to run his mouth, even in defeat. "But... I have the true power of--"

"Shut up already!!" Sparda cut him off.

Vergil and Dante gave a sigh of relief. Good thing Arkham didn't get to finish the sentence, who knows what would have happened?

The monster disappeared, leaving a giant tear in what seemed to be... the time-space continuum? They all examined the rift sitting in empty space. Then Sparda turned to look at the twins. "Listen-- I've no idea how to thank you."

"You can start by checking up on your woman," Vergil replied, smirking. Then he cast a glance over Sparda's shoulder. Sparda turned around, remembered he'd left Eva and rushed to her side. She was coming to.

"What happened?" she rubbed her eye with a fist. "I had a strange dream I was in some horrible hentai, I was attacked by some tentacle monster!" She looked around. "Hey... why are all the buildings destroyed?"

Lucian looked around. "That's because... a demon did attack you."

Eva shot up quickly. "Whaa!? Who-- what stopped it?"

"He did!" Dante came up from seemingly nowhere and pointed to Lucian. "He rescued you, too."

Eva looked at Dante, then at Lucian. "You? I don't believe it."

Lucian looked at Dante, who gave him the 'You know what to do here' look. He looked back at Eva. "Eva, have you ever heard the tale of the Legendary Dark Knight Sparda?"

Eva nodded, "Yeah, he saved the world ages ago from demons and stuff, but last I heard, that was just a legend. And for all we know, he might be dead."

Sparda smiled at this. "Then, I should tell you..." his voice trailed off as he pulled out an amulet, the same one Dante and Vergil owned halves of, except this one was perfect, the two halves united. Eva's eyes shone in awe. "That's..."

"The amulet the Knight used to seal the gate to the Underworld, and at the same time, his power." he finished her sentence for her.

"So then, you--" tears welled up in Eva's eyes, and she hugged Sparda as hard as she could. Sparda looked a little shocked. He blushed, and not knowing what to do, he patted her on the back a few times-- he didn't know if it was the moment to _console_ her, as he was sure this wasn't a particularly sad moment in her life. He looked at Dante and Vergil, and mouthed, 'What should I do? What's going on?'

Vergil responded, just as quietly, 'She's crying because she's HAPPY.'

Dante mouthed, 'You're the man now, dog!' and gave his father the thumbs up. 'Total SCORE!'

Vergil bumped Dante with his elbow, to which Dante mouthed, 'What did I do?' and grinned. Sparda just laughed.

"Well, we have to leave now." Dante said aloud to the couple. He and Vergil waved, and made their way towards the portal which was still open.

"Wait!"

They turned around to find Eva wiping her tears away, her other hand out to them. "Will we ever see you again?"

Dante and Vergil looked at each other, then back at the two. "Yes, you will. At this rate, very soon." Vergil responded. Dante turned to his brother, shocked. He didn't expect Vergil to say that, but Sparda and Eva couldn't quite fathom what he'd meant by the words.

"Then, thank you, Dante and..." Eva paused, realizing she didn't know who Vergil was. "I didn't quite catch your name..."

"Vergil."

"Named after the Roman poet?"

"...You could say that."

Eva smiled.

The twins waved and said their final goodbyes, then left.

* * *

Back in the present time, Dante and Vergil stepped out of the portal and right on the peak of the tower-- now it was the Dark Pact Chamber-- where Lady was waiting. 

She pointed her gun at the two, then put it down. "What? Where the hell did you two come from?"

Dante shook his head. "You don't wanna know."

Lady gave him an 'O RLY?' look. "Try me."

Dante and Vergil looked at each other, and then said in unison, "...Our dad kicked your dad's ass."

Lady looked confused. "What?"

"Knew you wouldn't get it." Dante shrugged and Vergil scratched the side of his face, just looking around.

They stood there in silence, whiling the time away, when suddenly Dante suddenly got a look on his face like he had remembered something.

"Oh, hey. Verge?"

"Yeah?" Vergil hoped it wasn't a smartass comment.

Dante passed him his half of the amulet, along with the Force Edge. "Here, take it."

Vergil gave him a look as if to say, 'What for?' but what he'd actually said was, "When did you take the time to get this?"

"When mom and dad were having their moment. When else? Contrary to popular belief, I don't sit around being useless when I'm not the main focus!"

Vergil gave him another look, to say, 'Whose belief? And what focus?' but what he'd said at that moment was, "And where...?"

"Hammer space."

"Oh." Vergil knew what he meant then. Unfortunately for Lady, the most she could do was stand there and follow the conversation with what little she understood.

They stood there in silence, when Vergil piped up, "I'm thirsty. Let's go grab a beer."

Dante clasped his hands together, "Best idea I never had."

Lady tilted her head, "Wow. Didn't know you to be a beer drinker, Vergil."

Vergil turned away with a shifty-eyed glance from side to side. "That's because I don't actually drink, but that's a lot better than nothing."

After deciding that it indeed _was_ better than doing nothing, the three walked down the staircase leading away from the peak, but then they all stopped and looked at each other.

In a moment of complete insanity, they linked arms and skipped the rest of the way, singing "I Will Survive". And they all lived happily ever after!

...Or_ did they?_

...Nah, they pretty much did. There's really nothing else to say about that.


	7. Chapter 7: Bonus Sparda & Eva chapter!

w00t! A Bonus chapter for you guys, since I couldn't help but wonder what became of Sparda and Eva. x3 (sends e-love to her reviewers)

-Ultima

**  
**

* * *

**Bonus Chapter**

Sparda sat in his chintz armchair with his feet propped up on the glass coffee table, sipping on… well… coffee. It'd been years since the events that took place in the University, although he couldn't quite recall what had happened, now that he looked back on it. He'd had more important things on his mind, he believed.

Important things, like living with his fiancée, whom he gained the trust of all those years ago. He smiled, and continued reading a hefty volume of poetry. Eva had taken the truth that he was the Legendary Dark Knight quite easily, to his surprise. Sparda had, in truth, expected her to deny that he was who he said he was, and leave him. But she was a lot stronger than that, he knew. It's what attracted him to her in the first place.

He flipped through the pages, recalling the moment when Eva had asked him only one question after the explanation, which was, "Why did you act like such a total asshole?"

He responded with something akin to, "It was pretty convincing, and I found that that was the manner in which human men act." She shook her head slowly and mumbled something about 'Superman', but he didn't quite catch what it was. Nor did he understand.

The demon closed the book suddenly, hearing rushed footsteps coming in his direction. He set his feet back on the floor and stood from his seat to find Eva running into the room, with something in hand. She stopped in front of him, to catch her breath.

"Is there something the matter?" he asked, wondering what it was that could make his wife-to-be look so frazzled. _Then again, she has been acting rather strange lately... _He couldn't help but notice that his wife had been having dizzy spells for the past few weeks, and she got tired so much more often that usual.Sparda shrugged the thought off and focused back Eva, who was _still_ trying to catch her breath.

"I—we—" she huffed, then handed him the object she was holding.

He took a good look at it. An oddly shaped stick it was, and there was an indentation in the center that for some reason… was blue. "Honey, what is this?"

Eva by now had caught her breath, and replied, "A pregnancy test."

Sparda's eyebrows arched skyward. "…Pregnancy test?"

Eva nodded, smiling. "Yes. Dear… we're _pregnant._"

And if there was ever a record for quick-change of clothes, Sparda instantly broke it. His platinum blond hair went lily-white and slicked back from the shock, and his casual outfit was instantly replaced with his purple Victorian Era garb. He fixed a monocle to his left eye.

"…Really?" he asked, out of habit rather than disbelief.

She nodded again.

He mimicked her slightly, nodding his head too. Then his eyes rolled back into his head and he fell over, crashing through the glass table. Eva squeaked, and picked him up as best as she could, laying his near-lifeless form on the armchair, and caught sight of the glass remains of the table hovering in the air. The shards stood still for a moment before reforming themselves into the whole table.

Eva gave another squeal. "It WORKED!"

* * *

Sparda came to in a hospital bed. Last place he expected to be. He looked up to find Eva standing over him, looking very concerned. 

"Ugh…" he breathed, "we're… having a child?"

Eva nodded and took his hand in hers. Sparda smiled, a little relieved.

"I really hope we have twins," Eva said after a short moment of thought, then she bit her lip. Sparda gave her a look that said, "Why?" and he asked her so.

"Nothing, I just want to have twins, that's all."

Sparda knew something else was the matter, but he dismissed the thought. A slight change of subject was needed. "If we do get twins," he said half-in-jest, "What will you name them?"

Eva tilted her head and looked up, then after giving the question a moment of thought, she replied, "I was thinking… we could name them after those two guys in college… you know, Vergil and Dante? I thought they were cute…" then Eva added, "I hope our kids grow up to be just like those two!"

The Dark Knight's eyes widened in shock, and all he said was, "Okay then. Good night."

The intercom blazed around 30 seconds later.

"_Dr. Phoenix, Dr. Connor, Dr. Walton, Dr. Taylor, Nurse Kelly and Nurse Martha, report to the coronary wing, patient 332183B is having a heart attack. _

_I repeat, __Dr. Phoenix, Dr. Connor, Dr. Walton, Dr. Taylor, Nurse Kelly and Nurse Martha, report to the coronary wing _**immediately**_, patient 332183B is having a heart attack.__"_

* * *

(A/N: ...And _that_ is how Sparda died. x3 Oh I feel so horrible giving him that kind of end, but still... that's what happens when his death isn't exactly specified in the game or any of the novels, hehe! )_  
_


End file.
